Baby update

Today I went to my 32 week appointment and was told our little boy is measuring for a 34 week old. So this means a big baby, or an earlier due date...not exactly sure right now. I will tell you, that it made me very excited. That means technically I could be holding this little guy in my arms instead of my belly...in about a month!

My father's 60th birthday would have been on Nov. 7th of this year. The thought crossed my mind that there is a slight possibility that this baby could be born exactly 60 years from his grandpa! I do admit, it makes me emotional to think about what a wonderful grandpa he would have been. As gentle as he was with children, and how much he enjoyed them. And one of his favorite things to do was listen to a newborn baby breathe. That sound was heaven to him. I just think of how wonderful it would have been to introduce him to his own grandson. And how he could teach him about farming. And about hard work. And Jesus. He would have made the most wonderful and involved grandpa!

It kind of set in today that this IT. These are the last few weeks I will have to 'myself'. The last few weeks I will have with JUST my husband and I. That is a little saddening. I love just being with him. I love having him around when we're doing nothing but being friends. And he has all my attention. And how do we spend these precious last few days? Good question! I'd like to make the most of them!

I LOVE ANIMALS...They're delicious

As a child, I wanted to be a vet or at least take care of animals for the rest of my life. I literally had hundreds of cats (spread out over several years), puppies, chickens, cows, a few rabbits, a guinea pig for a few days, and probably more that I'm trying to forget. I would sneak kittens into the house and dress them in my doll clothes trying to turn them into babies, and would hand feed with an eye dropper any kitten who had lost his mother to a highway death. I loved these cats so much, they even gave me worms. We won't get into that. Watching cows be born, fetching eggs from the chickens, and crying so many tears over the deaths of every puppy and kitten that we eventually lost.
I'm not sure what happened over the years, but now, I really can't stand animals. I can't stand pet hair, I can't stand to be jumped on by peoples dogs, I can't stand being licked, I hate being barked at by a strange dog for no reason when I'm taking a walk, I can't stand how they poop wherever they want, and expect you to show them attention. I can't stand how people are so quick to help a 'homeless' animal, but wouldn't bother to help an orphan or homeless person in another country. I'm a people person, not an animal person.
That being said, I married an animal person. When we were first married, C.J. begged and begged for a dog. When I made the comment, "I would get a cat before I got a dog", he quickly began begging for a cat. This went on for about 8 months straight, and then I surprised him with Tansy. A little black cat. I have to admit, if he is even half the father as he is a cat owner, he's going to be wonderful! He's very patient and loving towards this cat. It sickens me, yet I think it's adorable too.
Since my brother moved in a few weeks ago, I've felt like I'm in college. Work has been slow for C.J. and even more slow for Adam who is still trying to get hired somewhere. So needless to say, both boys spend their days together looking for work and playing with the cat. They both love Tansy and I'm completely outnumbered. When I come home from work, I hear stories about the cat.
Yesterday, when I came home from work I walked into quite a scene. My house was immaculate. SO CLEAN! Dinner was ready. That has happened only 2 other times since I have been married...not that I'm counting:) I was so excited and surprised. I was going on and on with gratitude for these boys. Until I noticed something. There was a new stranger in the house. A little siamese kitten. Cute as can be, I admit. But a complete shock to me. I was introduced to 'our' newest family member. Where are the the hidden cameras???

Provision

It seems like every good, long marriage has times when things were tough and the struggles seemed to seem too hard, but then years later they are so greatful to have gone through them. I feel like this is one of those times in my life and marriage.
My husband is self-employed and work is very slow right now. No steady work has been available for about 3 months now. We have my brother (also unemployed) living with us right now as well. I'm working full time, but will lose my job in about 2.5 months when it's time for the baby to come. We will also lose insurance and all steady income at that point. The hormones of pregnancy have fed upon my fears, worries, and exhaustion. But I can't help but know in my heart that these are the moments and times in our life that we will look back on and see the hand of God that has always provided.
These are situations that our parents went through when we were growing up. And their situations were tougher than ours. For instance, when I was younger, I remember going to every hometown football game. This was something I loved...the people, the game, the pork chop sandwiches, the cheering. Still the same wonderful feelings I get when I go a football game as an adult. However, as a child I noticed we usually didn't go to the games until half time(so we could get in free). And after the games, we would wait for the crowd to clear out, and our little family of four would stick around and pick up aluminum cans. Now to my brother and I, this was a game to see who could collect my cans. To my parents, this was recycling money we needed to put food on the table. How humbling for my parents. Parents who would do anything for our little family. Some people would assume that since we were 'lowered' to collecting cans, that life must be pretty bad. Not our family. It all depends on perspective. To us kids, this was a fun memory. Obviously times were extremely tough. I have never met any family who had to do this. I've met most who, like us, bought hand-me-downs, even used cloth diapers, but this is a first. But my parents never gave up, and never seemed discouraged. Because they believed in a God that provided all their needs. God promises that he will take care of the birds who have beautiful coats and always have food. And He promises that if he cares that much about the birds, how much more will He care for us? And He has. I can't ever look back in my life and find a time when I didn't have clothes or food. How fortunate are we....always?? So why should I worry? When did God's promise fail? When in my life did He not provide more than enough? Never. It's exciting to think about the future, not worrysome. Or at least that's how my attitude should be:) Here's to trusting in a God that has never failed, and who I'm greatful to have watching over my family!

It's a boy! ___?___ Joseph Youngkin

This post is a little late to announce that we are having a son. We actually found out on Tuesday June 16th and I will never forget that feeling as long as I live!

We weren't supposed to find out until later this month, but a few issues made my dr. want to do an earlier ultrasound. The issues were some slight spotting, and the fact that I fainted while at a garage sale. Both issues are fine now. I've learned that the fainting is normal at this stage as my body is pumping so much more blood now. It was embarrassing if anything!

So the ultrasound was scheduled right away. CJ had just started a new job and was not able to make it to the ultrasound. We were both bummed about that, but at the same time, it was so much fun to be able to tell him the news myself:)

All along I have thought this little baby was a boy. A part of that was mostly wishful thinking as I have always dreamed of having little boy(s). At the ultrasound, there were 2 nurses present as one was in training. So I received a very thorough ultrasound. I saw all 4 chambers of the heart and saw him moving around. Twice they commented on how fidgety he was. They also said he has nice strong legs. I wondered...does that mean he has his daddy's long legs? Or does that mean he has the stocky Belsly thunder thighs? A combination of both would be great:)

When the ladies asked me if I wanted to know the sex, I said yes. She simply said "it's a little boy. See?" And she pointed to his little pecker:) Tears immediately began streaming down my face. I couldn't believe it. I was so overjoyed and just kept thanking God in my mind. I can't believe how good he has been to me with giving me all these blessings in my life for all of these years. And now, this life-long dream of having my own little boy. And how much fun the phone call to his daddy will be! The tears kept coming. Uncontrollably. I finally had to ask the nurse for a kleenex as it was getting messing there lying on my back. She asked if I was ok because they probably had no idea I was dreaming of having a little boy! I told them they were happy tears.

I lost my wonderful daddy when I was 16. Richard Joseph Belsly. I haven't seen him in over 10 years now. That thought is mind blowing. He was the man I saw everyday of my life until his death. And of course I miss him. I can't tell you how much I wished I could call him on the phone and just tell him that he was going to have a grandson. And 6 months ago my grandpa died. Joseph Belsly. Having my grandpa alive was always refreshing for me. He resembled my dad in so many ways and it was almost like having a piece of him still around. Now that they are both gone, it's amazing for me to think that there is a baby inside me that will be the 3rd generation of those two wonderful men that I lost. And the fact that this baby will be a sort of combination of those men and the man that I love the most in this world...CJ. Is there anything more wonderful than that?

Names

We've been pondering baby names lately. We really haven't come close to choosing or agreeing on one. I tend to lean towards the names where I don't know many or any people with that name. I've always been like that. When I was young...as in grade school, I remember making lists of names I liked. I was priveledged to find that list recently and wanted to share a few. It's very embarrassing actually to admit that I once liked some of these names as a child. In fact, as I go through, I recognize that I had cats named some of these names. I literally had hundreds of cats over the course of living on the farm, and names would run out. I loved to name them names that I wanted to name actual babies if my mother and father had decided to grace me another sibling:) If they had, we can all be thankful that they wouldn't let me name the sibling!

Here's a sample from my list constructed in about 2nd-4th grade? I can tell by my handwriting:)

Boys names:

Preston

Dwayne - This was around the time my dad started working with the Bradley basketball team. For the first time, I heard 'black' names and I liked them.

Siye - complete with a pronunciation guide: Sigh

Land

Jereck

Atatcus - this one had a cat named after it.

Lead

JESUS - yes, I thought it would be ok to name a baby and/or cat, Jesus.

Girls names:

Jace - this was the nickname for my best friend, Jodi:)

L'chelle - another interacial name:)

Rice - what was I thinking?

KT - spelled exactly that way

Eve

After reading the complete list to my husband, needless to say, we still have not arrived on an agreement:) This list will go into safe keeping for sure though:)

Organic

Today after our garage sales, C.J. wanted to stop at a local bike shop downtown Lee's Summit.  About a year ago, we went on our first bikeride.  I have never been more miserable with company on a bike ride as I was with my husband that day.  He complains a lot about his 'tiny buns'.  Him and I were built very very different on the back side. I have pretty big buns, that supply plenty of comfort in seating and cushion on bike seats.  C.J. however has these little tiny buns, that although I think would sometimes be nice to have, they are not.  He complains about the feeling he gets sitting at a football game or bench feeling like the hard surface is rubbing right against his bones.  On this bikeride a year ago, I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that every 2-3 minutes of the 15 minute ride (cut short for his discomfort), he complained about how bad his buns hurt.  It was agonizing. Does it truly hurt that much?? He tried to ride the entire time in the standing position to ease his pain.  I felt like I was riding bikes with a 4 year old who had just got stung by a bee, and let me know how bad it hurt every 2 minutes.

  So that was the first and last bike ride we've shared together. Since then, I have started and envelope marked "beach cruiser".  I put cash in it every so often, so he can get a beach cruiser bike with a wide seat for his tiny buns.  Long story short, we saved the money, and now he can get his bike.

  Right by the bike shop was an organic baby boutique that I wanted to stop in. He hesitated, but came in with me.  The owner of the store was about our age and him and C.J. immediately bonded. Within minutes, C.J. was interested in everything the store had to offer.  The irony of C.J. is this. He is truly INTRIGUED by everything organic as his grandmother owned an all natural health food store and still does.  So he loves to talk about it, read about it etc.   Here's the irony: Just today, he made me stop at Mcdonalds so he could get some fast food breakfast, and 3 hours later, he pulled our car into the chinese buffet so he could get some lunch.  Since I've known him, I have seen him make ONE 'organic' shake that came from a jar of organic powder that his grandmother sent him.  A jar of powder that I KNOW is expired and never going to be use, but yet when we moved he refused to let me throw it out because of course he's going to use it!

   The man who was hesitant to walk into this organic baby boutique, is now thouroughly convinced that we are going to use cloth diapers (he's never change any kind of diaper in his entire life), and he also walked out with a purchase of organic cloth diaper DETERGENT to use on his own clothes. To which he informed me that he might start doing his own laundry now, to avoid putting all the 'crap' detergent on his clothing.

  I love my health nut!

Garage sales

This morning  I set out for some garage sales. I assumed it would just be me, but my hubby was excited to come along.  One of those mixed emotions where you are happy to have the company but also that same feeling I'm sure parents get when the children want to come along. I noticed myself thinking "well, it would be nice to have his company, but at the same time, I know he's going to want to stop at the random sales and buy random knick knacks that he will think are funny, (like the stuffed rooster that he bought that still ends up everywhere in our house) then they will just take up space, and he'll end up spending all my garage sale cash on stonewash jorts that he thinks he will wear as a joke, but never does."  

  Well of course I wanted him along.  Here's some of the items I was keeping my eye open for: a grill for the backyard, a baby stroller or car seat, a set of ladies golf clubs, maybe a weedeater.   Here's what we came home with: 

1.  A mesh old mans hat that reads "Houses are built by studs".  That's a play on words if you didn't catch it.  C.J. wore it to every garage sale after the purchase was made. Embarrassing.

2. some maternity pants that probably won't fit, but hey I'm only out $6

3. The board game called "Milarkey"

4. A Super Nintendo, with 10 Super nintendo games included.

What a success!

   As we traveled through the neighborhood sales, we couldn't help but notice the awkwardness associated with garage sales sometimes.  There will be about 4 houses in a row with sales, and you don't want to park and commit to a walk through, until you do the slow drive-by eyeing the items for sale.  This is uncomfortable for everyone. The owner is sizing you  up in your car, wondering if you have $ to spend at their sale or if you are going to try and bargain with them and rip them off.  We are sizing them up and judging them by the giant picture of a circus clown t that sits leaned against their garage for $3, and by the suitcase with barf stains all over it.  We are driving about -10 mph, as we decided to make it look like we will park and get out when we actually have every intention of just driving right past and getting out of their lives. Until you realize you are at the end of a culdesac, and now you have to do the awkward turn around and drive right past again, but this time give them a friendly wave and move on.

  Then there are the sales where you SWEAR you see some goldmine items worth getting out for. Only to be trotting up the drive and immediately regret your decision. Then you end up staying an extra few minutes pretending to be interested in the collection of vhs tapes they have on display as you start up a fake conversation with the owner about how much you loved the movie "flight of the navagators" as a kid. Then you mosey around some more, talk about the weather, and awkwardly walk away without purchasing a thing.

Cooking

  Now that I'm starting to feel better (hopefully for good!), I have started cooking again at night.  Not being able to cook there for awhile actually made me realize how much I love it.  I also realize that this was not something that I inherited from my mother.  In fact, I think my mother could write a whole book on disasterous her cooking has been. I can say that respectfully because she is the first to tell you. I also think that my brother, dad and I could write sequels to that book on our experiences/perceptions of her cooking.  

  A classic example of this was the pancakes.  She made whole wheat pancakes for us growing up.  I remember sitting down one morning eating pancakes when she SCREAMED and ran over to the table yelling and Adam and I to spit out the pancakes and not to eat them.  She had mistakingly used Pledge dusting spray, instead of Pam cooking spray in the skillet. Really? Does that happen?

  She is also famous for having burnt her collection of recipes. Yes, BURNT them in a kitchen/cooking fire mishap. How ironic.

  These are just examples of her follies, but they don't even go into taste/presentation of her food creations....

Just a few years ago, she offered to make my brother a sandwich.  She brought it over a few minutes later to him and watching him look at the sandwich with confused eyebrows, disgust and anger was priceless.  I don't remember what all was on there, but the one ingredient I do remember, were a few stems of broccoli! WHAATT? Broccoli floretts on a cold sandwich? When he questioned it, she stated matter-of-fatcly that he needed vegetables in his body.  

  As a kid growing up in a private school, we took our homeade lunches to school everyday.  Most kids would trade items with eachother.  Typical lunches were usually some sort of sandwich, maybe a fruit, a salty snack, maybe a dessert.  I dreamed of lunches like that.  NO ONE ever wanted to trade with the girl who's lunch consisted of a plum,  a (as in 1)carrot stick, 2 slices of bread with 1 thin sliver of meat that was most likely expired.  That was pretty much it day in/day out.  There were never any cheetos left over from her personal cheetos can stash to sprinkle a few in her kids lunch sacks.

  Dinners at home were pretty disgusting/disasterous if they strayed too far from steak and baked potatoes.  Steak that was home grown from our own beef cattle that my dad usually cooked, and potatoes that were wrapped in foil and baked. 

  As I look back, yeah I feel jipped sometimes I guess. But I seriously wouldn't want to change it.  I love the fact that my mom wasn't the perfect cook. It made me appreciate crappy dive diners where most people would complain!  Also, my mother TRIED.  She tried hard. And always with love. Sometimes it would really make her sad when things wouldn't turn out. And she was constantly making phone calls in the middle of dinner to random friends and relatives with panicky questions like "I just added the soup like it says and now it turned green! What do I do??" Or something to that effect.  It was truly entertaining. Never boring. And she laughed at it. She knew she did her best, and that her best truly doesn't work and she made it funny! And my dear father, he took it so well.

  Now I recently spent Easter with my mom's sister and her family.  I get so excited to go to my aunts house because she is an amazing cook.  I look forward to every food her hands prepare. She made this wonderful beef brisket this time! I always ask her about her good recipes, and many times she said it was her mom's recipe.  I never met my mom's mother. She died when my mom was in her early 20's.  She was gardening and had a heart attack.  I've heard wonderful things about her. One of which, she was a great cook. And she obviously taught and passed that down to my aunt. I can't help but wonder...where was my mother during this?? 

  I myself legitamitely LOVE to cook.  I had no one to teach me.  The tips I learned from my mom, were mostly safety tips that I learned just by watching her.  So I can't say how I learned. But I do know that if I hadn't developed a love early on, I was headed down the same road my mom is.  I made a few disgusting meals in college that I'm not proud of.  Then my brother started really liking some of my dishes. I'm not sure if he is a good gauge considering he grew up under the kitchen of Claudia Belsly, but it's a start.  And now, my biggest concern...my husband. I literally prayed for one of the qualities in my future husband to be a big eater and not picky.  God answers prayers more abundantly than I can dream! He will eat a guests serving if I don't remind him ahead of time that the meal I prepared is meant for 4 people and not 1.  But he loves my cooking! And I love to cook for him! I pray that I never loose that love!

Welcome back food!

  The first part of my pregnancy hasn't exactly been fun, but I know I've had it better than some. There are some details I would never post on  a blog, but for the most part I've been kind of physically miserable.  Nausea every NIGHT (wierd, that it is at night).  Throwing up every night for a few weeks, and a few times during the day while at work or in a hospital (for work).  When I get home from work, I can't think of a single thing that sounds good to eat. I know you are supposed to eat to keep you from feeling sicker, but I go through every food I like in my head, and they all make me want to dry heave.  I try and suck down some fruit or cheese, only to barf it up. I've lost about 6 lbs since I found out I was pregnant from this, but I know it's on it's way to brighter days! Surprisingly, my energy has been ok, though! And I am thankful regardless. This means the baby is doing what its supposed to do, and I know people have it MUCH much worse than I.  Here are few other symptoms I will remember about early pregnancy. It will be interesting to see if they return for other pregnancys.

ACNE- I'm not exaggerating...it's pretty teenage! It all came in a matter of about 4 days, getting worse every day. The first time I knew it was more than my imagination was when I woke up and saw my husband staring at my face in bed with a wierd look.  All he said was "hundreds".  I was confused. That followed by the words, "Summer, there are hundreds of zits on your face." He was seriously scared I think.  I looked in the mirror and just couldn't believe it. I stared for awhile out of depression, but also out of pure amazement. As disgusting as it was, I had to admire God's handywork. I'd never seen it like this!  I ordered Proactive solution, only to be told by my dr. that I can't take it.  Didn't work anyways.  Nothing works.  It's good for me. Very humbling.  One morning a couple weeks ago, I woke up almost in tears looking at how bad it was.   Sweet C.J. reassured me with a hug and told me I looked beautiful and that it even looked like it was clearing up a bit!  That morning when I got to work, no joke, a lady I work with said "Sweetie do you have a rash?"  I quickly explained that my hormones are just going nuts and it's making me break out.  It's almost like she didn't believe me when she said "honey, are you sure? Are you using something different on your face that you could be allergic to, because it's all over."  She meant well. All I could do was laugh. 

Body hair:  Not too much to say here except that I need to shave about 6 hours after I already shaved.  It grows fast.  Miracle grow fast.  I can't keep up with it!

Boobs: They are nice. Really nice and getting bigger. I like them and so does my husband.  This is a good symptom. Keep it up milkers! 

Sunday night of this week, I puked so much that I thought my lungs were coming out. And I still felt horrible.  But after that, it seemed like the evenings have been getting amazingly better! I have been eating at night, and the last 3 nights, I have stepped back up to the stove and cooked!!!  That leads to my next post, which is random.....

Finding out

If you don't want to hear about pregnancy, then don't read this one. But before my memory fades, I need to chart.





For the past several months, C.J. and I have not been very careful at our birth control. Ok kids, someday you will understand what this means: mommy and daddy used the 'pull-n-pray' method. So to make you more uncomfortable....mommy prays, and daddy 'pulls'. Well daddy kind of quit doing his part, and mommy just prayed that Jesus would allow whats best to happen. The first few months, nothing happened which was just fine.



But then, something did happen about the 5 month of being 'careless'. We were in T.J. Max. I already forget why, but it was dark and cold out. C.J. was looking at mens cologne, and as he's looking, he gets a grin on his face and lets out a loud, LOUD fart. I darted around us, and the 2 workers were only a few feet away and I know they heard. Now usually, being immature like I am, I would laugh and giggle like I'm high school. Or, I would say "c'mon C.J....quit being gross in public." Not this time. I flipped out on him. I yelled and asked how he could be so gross and immature and I couldn't believe he did that etc. etc. I was so angry. And he just looked at me with a half confused, half laughing look. At this point, I stormed out of the store like a 10 year old. Yes, grown woman stomped off in a fit of rage and left my husband standing in the store alone. I got outside and realized I didn't have keys to the car, and it was cold. I didn't care. I just leaned against the car, murmuring obscenities, so mad that I was on the verge of tears. Soon after, C.J. came outside still surprised and confused at my new reaction to his public flatulence. I didn't let up. At least I didn't for another 10 minutes...



Then I realized that I completely overreacted. And I wondered why I acted like that. And it freaked me out. And then I laughed about the situation. And then I realized I was crazy in the head for a minute there. And then I realized that something wasn't right.



I confided in my dear friend Steph who already knew my possibilities to be pregnant were more than possible. This time, she swore I was pregnant. I took a test and it was negative, but that 2nd line showed up VERY faint. Steph said I probably shouldn't even be able to see where that other line is, if I wasn't pregnant. She thought maybe it was just too early. But I was kind of convinced we weren't pregnant. So was C.J. Well, a few days later I bought some more tests just to have on hand and decided to take another. It was early early morning and my hubby was still asleep. I took one test, and the second line showed up. I still didn't believe it, so I took another...etc. They were all positive. I outloud said "Ohmygosh" and flipped the bedroom lights on to wake dear 'daddy'. What a surprise attack on a sleeping man. He didn't really know what was going on. Fast forward a few minutes and were sitting on the bed saying nothing except "wow"....Wow..."wow". That's it. For like 5 minutes. No excitement, no real emotion yet, just wow. Then we decided to pray. I wish that prayer was on recording...for us to review for our children someday:)

Welcome

My lifelong friend Steph has encouraged me to start a blog. I began thinking about the stages of life I have already been through, and the ones that are excitedly approaching (motherhood!) and I realize that as I've gone through these stages I stop to ask my mother questions like "hey when you were newly married....when you moved to L.A....when you were pregnant" etc. And most of the time she remembers and can answer my questions. But sometimes she can't. I want my children to have everything written down for them before I forget. Well, not EVERYTHING!

I can't tell you the number of times...almost daily...where I stop to think about questions I would ask my dear daddy if he was still here. I never got a chance to know him as an adult. I was only 16 when he died and although I am so greatful for being with him that long, I do yearn for more. So this is also for my children to reference to in case I am no longer around someday. OH what I would give to have a website I could log onto of my dad's written out words and thoughts on life!

I will also try and 'expose' my husbands life too! He has no choice:) I seriously still look at my husband everyday and just feel a peace and excitment all at the same time, about the man I ended up with. I could go on and on, and I'm sure I will later...but all that to say that he in himself is a book to be written. He would never EVER do anything like a blog. He won't even touch myspace or Facebook or anything. And he is the first to tell you that his memory is that of a 70 yr old man. I want to remember for him.

So I have no idea who is going to read this except my future children. Maybe some strangers. For sure some friends. And at some point, I will give my mom the link...but not quite yet:) I hope that I make this a priority and that this isn't the last post I make over 1 sentance long:) Thank you, Steph for your little push in this direction. I'm already excited!