Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Finding out

If you don't want to hear about pregnancy, then don't read this one. But before my memory fades, I need to chart.

For the past several months, C.J. and I have not been very careful at our birth control. Ok kids, someday you will understand what this means: mommy and daddy used the 'pull-n-pray' method. So to make you more uncomfortable....mommy prays, and daddy 'pulls'. Well daddy kind of quit doing his part, and mommy just prayed that Jesus would allow whats best to happen. The first few months, nothing happened which was just fine.

But then, something did happen about the 5 month of being 'careless'. We were in T.J. Max. I already forget why, but it was dark and cold out. C.J. was looking at mens cologne, and as he's looking, he gets a grin on his face and lets out a loud, LOUD fart. I darted around us, and the 2 workers were only a few feet away and I know they heard. Now usually, being immature like I am, I would laugh and giggle like I'm high school. Or, I would say "c'mon C.J....quit being gross in public." Not this time. I flipped out on him. I yelled and asked how he could be so gross and immature and I couldn't believe he did that etc. etc. I was so angry. And he just looked at me with a half confused, half laughing look. At this point, I stormed out of the store like a 10 year old. Yes, grown woman stomped off in a fit of rage and left my husband standing in the store alone. I got outside and realized I didn't have keys to the car, and it was cold. I didn't care. I just leaned against the car, murmuring obscenities, so mad that I was on the verge of tears. Soon after, C.J. came outside still surprised and confused at my new reaction to his public flatulence. I didn't let up. At least I didn't for another 10 minutes...

Then I realized that I completely overreacted. And I wondered why I acted like that. And it freaked me out. And then I laughed about the situation. And then I realized I was crazy in the head for a minute there. And then I realized that something wasn't right.

I confided in my dear friend Steph who already knew my possibilities to be pregnant were more than possible. This time, she swore I was pregnant. I took a test and it was negative, but that 2nd line showed up VERY faint. Steph said I probably shouldn't even be able to see where that other line is, if I wasn't pregnant. She thought maybe it was just too early. But I was kind of convinced we weren't pregnant. So was C.J. Well, a few days later I bought some more tests just to have on hand and decided to take another. It was early early morning and my hubby was still asleep. I took one test, and the second line showed up. I still didn't believe it, so I took another...etc. They were all positive. I outloud said "Ohmygosh" and flipped the bedroom lights on to wake dear 'daddy'. What a surprise attack on a sleeping man. He didn't really know what was going on. Fast forward a few minutes and were sitting on the bed saying nothing except "wow"....Wow..."wow". That's it. For like 5 minutes. No excitement, no real emotion yet, just wow. Then we decided to pray. I wish that prayer was on recording...for us to review for our children someday:)

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