Thursday, April 30, 2009


  Now that I'm starting to feel better (hopefully for good!), I have started cooking again at night.  Not being able to cook there for awhile actually made me realize how much I love it.  I also realize that this was not something that I inherited from my mother.  In fact, I think my mother could write a whole book on disasterous her cooking has been. I can say that respectfully because she is the first to tell you. I also think that my brother, dad and I could write sequels to that book on our experiences/perceptions of her cooking.  
  A classic example of this was the pancakes.  She made whole wheat pancakes for us growing up.  I remember sitting down one morning eating pancakes when she SCREAMED and ran over to the table yelling and Adam and I to spit out the pancakes and not to eat them.  She had mistakingly used Pledge dusting spray, instead of Pam cooking spray in the skillet. Really? Does that happen?
  She is also famous for having burnt her collection of recipes. Yes, BURNT them in a kitchen/cooking fire mishap. How ironic.
  These are just examples of her follies, but they don't even go into taste/presentation of her food creations....
Just a few years ago, she offered to make my brother a sandwich.  She brought it over a few minutes later to him and watching him look at the sandwich with confused eyebrows, disgust and anger was priceless.  I don't remember what all was on there, but the one ingredient I do remember, were a few stems of broccoli! WHAATT? Broccoli floretts on a cold sandwich? When he questioned it, she stated matter-of-fatcly that he needed vegetables in his body.  
  As a kid growing up in a private school, we took our homeade lunches to school everyday.  Most kids would trade items with eachother.  Typical lunches were usually some sort of sandwich, maybe a fruit, a salty snack, maybe a dessert.  I dreamed of lunches like that.  NO ONE ever wanted to trade with the girl who's lunch consisted of a plum,  a (as in 1)carrot stick, 2 slices of bread with 1 thin sliver of meat that was most likely expired.  That was pretty much it day in/day out.  There were never any cheetos left over from her personal cheetos can stash to sprinkle a few in her kids lunch sacks.
  Dinners at home were pretty disgusting/disasterous if they strayed too far from steak and baked potatoes.  Steak that was home grown from our own beef cattle that my dad usually cooked, and potatoes that were wrapped in foil and baked. 
  As I look back, yeah I feel jipped sometimes I guess. But I seriously wouldn't want to change it.  I love the fact that my mom wasn't the perfect cook. It made me appreciate crappy dive diners where most people would complain!  Also, my mother TRIED.  She tried hard. And always with love. Sometimes it would really make her sad when things wouldn't turn out. And she was constantly making phone calls in the middle of dinner to random friends and relatives with panicky questions like "I just added the soup like it says and now it turned green! What do I do??" Or something to that effect.  It was truly entertaining. Never boring. And she laughed at it. She knew she did her best, and that her best truly doesn't work and she made it funny! And my dear father, he took it so well.
  Now I recently spent Easter with my mom's sister and her family.  I get so excited to go to my aunts house because she is an amazing cook.  I look forward to every food her hands prepare. She made this wonderful beef brisket this time! I always ask her about her good recipes, and many times she said it was her mom's recipe.  I never met my mom's mother. She died when my mom was in her early 20's.  She was gardening and had a heart attack.  I've heard wonderful things about her. One of which, she was a great cook. And she obviously taught and passed that down to my aunt. I can't help but wonder...where was my mother during this?? 
  I myself legitamitely LOVE to cook.  I had no one to teach me.  The tips I learned from my mom, were mostly safety tips that I learned just by watching her.  So I can't say how I learned. But I do know that if I hadn't developed a love early on, I was headed down the same road my mom is.  I made a few disgusting meals in college that I'm not proud of.  Then my brother started really liking some of my dishes. I'm not sure if he is a good gauge considering he grew up under the kitchen of Claudia Belsly, but it's a start.  And now, my biggest husband. I literally prayed for one of the qualities in my future husband to be a big eater and not picky.  God answers prayers more abundantly than I can dream! He will eat a guests serving if I don't remind him ahead of time that the meal I prepared is meant for 4 people and not 1.  But he loves my cooking! And I love to cook for him! I pray that I never loose that love!

Welcome back food!

  The first part of my pregnancy hasn't exactly been fun, but I know I've had it better than some. There are some details I would never post on  a blog, but for the most part I've been kind of physically miserable.  Nausea every NIGHT (wierd, that it is at night).  Throwing up every night for a few weeks, and a few times during the day while at work or in a hospital (for work).  When I get home from work, I can't think of a single thing that sounds good to eat. I know you are supposed to eat to keep you from feeling sicker, but I go through every food I like in my head, and they all make me want to dry heave.  I try and suck down some fruit or cheese, only to barf it up. I've lost about 6 lbs since I found out I was pregnant from this, but I know it's on it's way to brighter days! Surprisingly, my energy has been ok, though! And I am thankful regardless. This means the baby is doing what its supposed to do, and I know people have it MUCH much worse than I.  Here are few other symptoms I will remember about early pregnancy. It will be interesting to see if they return for other pregnancys.

ACNE- I'm not's pretty teenage! It all came in a matter of about 4 days, getting worse every day. The first time I knew it was more than my imagination was when I woke up and saw my husband staring at my face in bed with a wierd look.  All he said was "hundreds".  I was confused. That followed by the words, "Summer, there are hundreds of zits on your face." He was seriously scared I think.  I looked in the mirror and just couldn't believe it. I stared for awhile out of depression, but also out of pure amazement. As disgusting as it was, I had to admire God's handywork. I'd never seen it like this!  I ordered Proactive solution, only to be told by my dr. that I can't take it.  Didn't work anyways.  Nothing works.  It's good for me. Very humbling.  One morning a couple weeks ago, I woke up almost in tears looking at how bad it was.   Sweet C.J. reassured me with a hug and told me I looked beautiful and that it even looked like it was clearing up a bit!  That morning when I got to work, no joke, a lady I work with said "Sweetie do you have a rash?"  I quickly explained that my hormones are just going nuts and it's making me break out.  It's almost like she didn't believe me when she said "honey, are you sure? Are you using something different on your face that you could be allergic to, because it's all over."  She meant well. All I could do was laugh. 

Body hair:  Not too much to say here except that I need to shave about 6 hours after I already shaved.  It grows fast.  Miracle grow fast.  I can't keep up with it!

Boobs: They are nice. Really nice and getting bigger. I like them and so does my husband.  This is a good symptom. Keep it up milkers! 

Sunday night of this week, I puked so much that I thought my lungs were coming out. And I still felt horrible.  But after that, it seemed like the evenings have been getting amazingly better! I have been eating at night, and the last 3 nights, I have stepped back up to the stove and cooked!!!  That leads to my next post, which is random.....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Finding out

If you don't want to hear about pregnancy, then don't read this one. But before my memory fades, I need to chart.

For the past several months, C.J. and I have not been very careful at our birth control. Ok kids, someday you will understand what this means: mommy and daddy used the 'pull-n-pray' method. So to make you more uncomfortable....mommy prays, and daddy 'pulls'. Well daddy kind of quit doing his part, and mommy just prayed that Jesus would allow whats best to happen. The first few months, nothing happened which was just fine.

But then, something did happen about the 5 month of being 'careless'. We were in T.J. Max. I already forget why, but it was dark and cold out. C.J. was looking at mens cologne, and as he's looking, he gets a grin on his face and lets out a loud, LOUD fart. I darted around us, and the 2 workers were only a few feet away and I know they heard. Now usually, being immature like I am, I would laugh and giggle like I'm high school. Or, I would say "c'mon C.J....quit being gross in public." Not this time. I flipped out on him. I yelled and asked how he could be so gross and immature and I couldn't believe he did that etc. etc. I was so angry. And he just looked at me with a half confused, half laughing look. At this point, I stormed out of the store like a 10 year old. Yes, grown woman stomped off in a fit of rage and left my husband standing in the store alone. I got outside and realized I didn't have keys to the car, and it was cold. I didn't care. I just leaned against the car, murmuring obscenities, so mad that I was on the verge of tears. Soon after, C.J. came outside still surprised and confused at my new reaction to his public flatulence. I didn't let up. At least I didn't for another 10 minutes...

Then I realized that I completely overreacted. And I wondered why I acted like that. And it freaked me out. And then I laughed about the situation. And then I realized I was crazy in the head for a minute there. And then I realized that something wasn't right.

I confided in my dear friend Steph who already knew my possibilities to be pregnant were more than possible. This time, she swore I was pregnant. I took a test and it was negative, but that 2nd line showed up VERY faint. Steph said I probably shouldn't even be able to see where that other line is, if I wasn't pregnant. She thought maybe it was just too early. But I was kind of convinced we weren't pregnant. So was C.J. Well, a few days later I bought some more tests just to have on hand and decided to take another. It was early early morning and my hubby was still asleep. I took one test, and the second line showed up. I still didn't believe it, so I took another...etc. They were all positive. I outloud said "Ohmygosh" and flipped the bedroom lights on to wake dear 'daddy'. What a surprise attack on a sleeping man. He didn't really know what was going on. Fast forward a few minutes and were sitting on the bed saying nothing except "wow"....Wow..."wow". That's it. For like 5 minutes. No excitement, no real emotion yet, just wow. Then we decided to pray. I wish that prayer was on recording...for us to review for our children someday:)


My lifelong friend Steph has encouraged me to start a blog. I began thinking about the stages of life I have already been through, and the ones that are excitedly approaching (motherhood!) and I realize that as I've gone through these stages I stop to ask my mother questions like "hey when you were newly married....when you moved to L.A....when you were pregnant" etc. And most of the time she remembers and can answer my questions. But sometimes she can't. I want my children to have everything written down for them before I forget. Well, not EVERYTHING!

I can't tell you the number of times...almost daily...where I stop to think about questions I would ask my dear daddy if he was still here. I never got a chance to know him as an adult. I was only 16 when he died and although I am so greatful for being with him that long, I do yearn for more. So this is also for my children to reference to in case I am no longer around someday. OH what I would give to have a website I could log onto of my dad's written out words and thoughts on life!

I will also try and 'expose' my husbands life too! He has no choice:) I seriously still look at my husband everyday and just feel a peace and excitment all at the same time, about the man I ended up with. I could go on and on, and I'm sure I will later...but all that to say that he in himself is a book to be written. He would never EVER do anything like a blog. He won't even touch myspace or Facebook or anything. And he is the first to tell you that his memory is that of a 70 yr old man. I want to remember for him.

So I have no idea who is going to read this except my future children. Maybe some strangers. For sure some friends. And at some point, I will give my mom the link...but not quite yet:) I hope that I make this a priority and that this isn't the last post I make over 1 sentance long:) Thank you, Steph for your little push in this direction. I'm already excited!