Wednesday, January 25, 2012

In the last ten days

I DOUBT all this has anything to do with getting off Facebook, but who knows! :) All this has happened or developed in ten days

-I've lost 4 lbs
-CJ has lost 6 lbs
- We booked our 5 year anniversary trip to Mexico
- CJ was involved in an accident, resulting in roller coaster of emotions over the condition of a little boy's life
- My brother was in an accident in Florida, where both vehicles were totaled. He was fine!
- Bria stands up in her crib and holds her own bottle!
- Hayes wants me to sing to him at night, and gives out hugs and kisses
- I've prayed more than I have in a looong time. As it should be.
- CJ's bought a 'new' work van

Monday, January 16, 2012

Healthy Purge

I am giving myself a vacation from Facebook. I have to check myself sometimes and re-do my priorities. There is nothing wrong with Facebook. In fact, that's how I keep in touch with a majority of my friends, see their babies grow, communicate with my moms groups etc. It brings us together and I love it. However, what is wrong is when I let it take over my day. I know myself well enough to know that I need to watch anything that does this. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, but the amount of time wasted can be bad:) The goal for my life is to serve God, serve my family, and serve others. ANYTHING else that can consume me, needs to be checked. So I give myself a break from it. And if I can't take a break from it, then it's a problem and I consider it an addiction. Could be eating, could be tv, could be exercising(got that one in check:), could be wine, could be a relationship that isn't good for us, could be just dwelling on something materialistic that doesn't bring us lasting fulfillment when we obtain it, could be our obsession to have control over the details of our life,could be the internet or attempting to keep our lives/homes/appearance perfect... could be ANYTHING. So when I see myself letting something besides serving my family, God and others take up too much time, I have to make sure I can live without it for awhile.
After my dad died, I found myself in an unhealthy obsession with my weight. Binging on an entire box of toaster strudels in one sitting, eating an entire bag of Thomas bagels in less than 5 minutes etc. Eating as much as I could as fast as I could as if to get through it so I wouldn't stop and think about how bad it was for me. But you do finish eventually, and feel so terrible physically and emotionally, that you have to 'un-do' it. That's when the barfing started (like my word choice;). It started slow and got the point where even if I put on chapstick, or chewed a piece of gum, I thought there was some flavor or calories that needed out. I would mentally freak out into how I was going to sneak to a bathroom and vomit without anyone catching on. Eventually had it down to a science where I NEVER had to stick my finger down my throat, could do it silently and quickly, and hide it in my room or in the shower or wherever! To the point where at my worst, I counted over 20 times in one day. That'a living mental hell. A constant cycle of mental panic on trying to control what you eat, blowing it by going overboard, and then panicking on getting it out of your system quickly. And repeat. Thank GOD I got through it and can honestly say it's not a struggle anymore. The thought of being back in that secret addiction is enough to keep me far from it. Well, at least the barfing part. I still over eat quite a bit ;)
But knowing how my personality can get to that point of letting something run my life, I have learned to step back, and make sure I can live without something for a short period of time, even if the thing itself isn't harmful. Haha, like how I pretty much compared Facebook to an eating disorder??? Hardly..
So my plan for the beginning of 2012 is to prioritize a few things. See you back on there in a month or so!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Highlight, so far, of 2012

My Hayes is a great sleeper. He loves it, and goes right down. Sometimes asks to go to bed and takes him there himself. So when I heard him at his door tonight (about 45 minutes after he had gone to bed), I was a little concerned as to what he could be needing. That NEVER happens, unless we are super loud and woke him up. I went downstairs, opened his door, and he was standing in the dark. I said 'what's wrong buddy?' He said 'hug, kiss, mommy, please hug kiss'. I gave him a hug and a kiss and put him back in bed where he snuggled right back in and said 'good night'. Good thing it was dark, or he would have seen me choking up:)
This may be the kind of thing moms get every night. But if you know me well, you know that Hayes doesn't show these emotions to me often at all. Without going into detail, it's been sad and hard on me at times just yearning for the moments that you hear so much about from others that seem to be so second nature. So this, tonight, made my whole year! Love my Kick Joe!

Sunday, January 1, 2012


I almost forgot about this story, and that's when I have to write stuff down, so my kids can read about it after I lose my mind!
One thing I love about my husband is the fact that he has a good heart for others. I prayed I would marry someone who would be ok with helping others that were less fortunate than us. Even though sometimes we may be the 'unfortunate' ones in some perspectives, we are still blessed beyond measure.
A couple years ago, CJ discussed selling his drill set for a better, longer-lasting but more expensive set. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it kind of is. You see, these aren't just a collection of garage tools that men keep to break out a couple times a year when they feel like doing guy stuff. These tools literally help feed our family. They get used. Every day. And they get beat up, but they are so necessary. And it's high on the totem pole compared to the heater that was busted in his work van (this was dead winter), that he said could wait. Buying new replacements on tools, however, is unavoidable when you own your own business. He was planning on getting about $300 to pawn or sell his old ones, to put towards a new set.
He started by doing a craigslist search to see if anyone was in the market, or how much other sets were going for to get an idea for his posting. But instead, he found something else. He found an ad, written by a wife. A wife who's husband didn't know she was writing it. She said they had come on some bad luck on top of losing almost everything in a fire. And they didn't have insurance. Her husband worked by doing handyman services. She said he lost all his tools. She said he was a hard worker who would never ask for anything, but she wanted to help him. And if anyone had any extra tools that they were just going to throw out, she wanted to come get them and surprise him with whatever she could collect.
Now, when CJ read this, he showed me. When I read it, I put myself right in that wife's shoes. Maybe they had babies to feed? My baby was only a few months old. If this were my husband, I would do whatever I could to help him. Of course I didn't go pouring on CJ that he should give away his old set of POWER tools to someone we know not much about. After all, they could be selling them for drugs? But you know what, that's not my problem. We should do things (within common sense of course) because we have faith that it's the right thing to do. What happens after that is on them.
Well you know where this is going. CJ contacted the wife, who was in tears when she heard what he wanted to give her. They came by, and yeah, they were interesting:) He had spent time in prison, met his wife when he got out, and he said 'she saved him'. Said he's had a hard time getting a second chance at life in general after prison (people won't hire him etc), but he was doing the best he could. They were so humbled and grateful. And that alone was worth any amount of cash CJ could have got for the set. But it didn't stop there.
CJ and the man talked for over an hour about everything. Turns out this man learned a lot in prison:) How to fix things etc. CJ told him about his broken heater. CJ had already had a mechanic look at it and give him an outrageous quote, so CJ didn't have it fixed. This man and CJ disappeared in the garage for awhile. And I'd be lying if I didn't have a few uncomfortable feelings creep up. After all, over the last hour we learned this guy did some serious time in prison. What if he's taking CJ in the garage to blindside him with a crowbar to the skull and then steal all of our..well..all of our what?? We don't have anything worth stealing haha! Pretty soon CJ came busting through the door and the first words out of his mouth were 'that son of a bitch..' so I was sure the guy took off with something. No, CJ said 'that son of a bitch just fixed my heater! Runs better than ever!' He was so excited.
Will never forget that night. Well, actually, I almost did. So that's why I wrote it down:) Sometimes we may have that opportunity to help someone but we talk ourselves out of it for a million reasons instead of having faith that if we pay it forward, we will be taken care of. Or that someday some stranger may help me or my children if they ever needed it.