Attitude change

Every once in awhile, as in pretty much every day, I need an attitude change. See, staying at home with my kids is something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl. I wanted nothing more than to grow up and have babies, cooking meals, and wearing heals. Cute, look how that rhymed. And boy, am I doing it. Except the heals thing. And my meals are pretty mediocre at best.
And I will tell you, that I'm not a very good housekeeper at all. In fact, as I type, I have a dinner that needs cleaned up, a couple loads of laundry to fold (even though I've folded 2 already today), the upstairs to vacuum, some coupons to sort, like 3 late birthday cards to send, a lunch to pack for Hayes school in the morning...i haven't showered today..agh and it's almost 10 pm! But look at me, I'm sitting her blogging about how I never get anything done haha
I don't need to tell you stay-at-home moms about how hard it is to stay on top of housework when you have one crawler who needs you for everything and a toddler who you probably physically shouldn't take your eyes off of for more than 30 seconds at a time. So yeah, it get tricky. But if I'm being 100% honest, that's only half of it.
I need to admit that I need an attitude change. I explain it this way. Imagine if you are a painter. And you go into a house, and your customer has a room painted white, and they'd like it painted blue. So you unload all of your supplies, tape off, pour the paint, prime, paint for a few hours, take a lunch break, go back and paint a couple more hours until you have your final product. A beautifully painted room. And you leave, and maybe the customer says thank you. But they don't pay you. Then they call you the next day, and say 'hey, we went ahead and painted that room back to white. But could you come back and paint it blue again? Oh, pay? No, we aren't going to pay you. Just go ahead and do it anyways'. So you go. And you paint it all over again. And you leave, and maybe this time they didn't say thanks, and of course they didn't pay you. Instead, they just splashed white paint all over your fresh blue paint and knocked over paint can and then they pinched you. And you do this every day Ook, that last pinching part I made up. But you get the crossover in stories here. Sometimes, I feel like that painter. I REALLY like hanging around my 'customers'(my babies) and playing with them, and laughing with them, and chasing them, and tickling them, because to ME, that's rewarding. But I emphasize me, because staying at home with your babies, isn't all about ME. And the little stuff that I don't do for my own immediate pleasure or gratification, the stuff that I shouldn't wait for a pat on the back or a paycheck for, is the stuff that is the real sacrifice for my babies and my husband. Having clean clothes and meals and clean sheets is how I show them love. Ignore this society that put in my head that I need to wait for some monetary value or certain level of praise to do the things that are the selfless acts of love that, in all honesty, I hate. But that's what makes them pure acts of love. And realize too, that I have friends who have stayed home with their grown babies, and told me they regretted how much emphasis they put on keeping their house up and wish they would have spent more time on the floor with their babes. But I'm faaaaar from that. But I say that to show you that there is a good balance. And that I will never regret spending time with my children, but I can't let the excuse of my lack of praise for my duties keep me from doing what's right! AAANDDD here's hoping that writing about it will hold me accountable!! :)

When you pick your mate

Someday my kids will fall in love. They might fall in love a million times, or maybe once, or maybe not at all! I hope they never feel pressure to get married if they'd prefer to stay single..nothing wrong with that. But I hope that they choose someone that they can have fun doing anything with. You know, like a best friend.
I can honestly say that I am lucky enough to be married to that person. Sure, sometimes we drive each other nuts. But honestly, almost 5 years into marriage, I can say that he's my first pick for doing almost anything with. See, someday we aren't going to have the kids around. Someday we might be too old to be as active as we are (actually, we aren't that active, ever). Someday it will be just the 2 of us. And this is when some people get bored with each other, or feel like they don't know each other. That's why I feel like it's even more important now, in these baby years, to make sure we still get priority time with just the two of us. And that it's not forced, but it's looked forward to. Yes, I love my girlfriend time. I NEED my girlfriend time, and I get it. But I NEED my one-on-one CJ time. And we are blessed to have two kids that are in bed by about 730pm every night, and CJ and I get the rest of the night to be with each other, alone. But dates away from the house and routine are good too.
This last weekend, I realized once again how much I love being married to my husband. And not because he makes millions, or says the right thing all the time, or looks like Channing Tatum with his shirt off, or even listens very well (he's getting better). No, it's because he is my best friend. And in a wierd way, sometimes I forget I'm married to him and that we have babies together etc because we just have that much fun together.
We had the opportunity this last weekend to have an overnight date night, thanks to my brother and Brittany. We aren't 'planners'. In fact, we had known about this for a few weeks, and still had no plans. We tossed around going to the casinos, getting a hotel room at the plaza, going skiing in Weston to name a few. Then it came time to leave, and we went to Houlihans to get some food. Right here in Lees Summit. Then we stopped at store and I bought some jeans. Then he wanted to buy a hat so we headed to ever classy, Independence Mall. As we were walking into the mall, CJ said 'hey, let's run into Applebees and get a drink, because we can!''. Yes, we don't have the opportunity to just stop in for a drink because we usually have kids with us. Well, I never pictured the highlight of our weekend away would be at a mall Applebees. In fact, I can't think of a worse thing on paper haha. But man, 3 hours later, we had the mgr. ask us to quiet down! We were really having that much fun. At one point, a man came over to us and thought we were on a first date. He said he's never seen a date look like they were having that much fun. It made me proud to say that we were married for 5 years and we still have that much fun. I hope we can say that when we are married 50 years!
So to sum up my advice to my kids about picking a mate, let me tell you this. I dated guys longer than I dated your dad, I dated guys that were 'nicer' at the time, I dated guys that were better looking, and seemed like they could provide a decent life, guys that loved me, guys that my family loved...but if all those things line up, but you can't picture yourself laughing and having fun with them doing any basic, daily or mundane activity, then you are going to be BORED! And your daddy is the one for me and I feel blessed everyday to have him as my spouse. Picture yourself spending time with a person doing life, and if it doesn't seem like they will make your life more fun, re-think. Hopefully this advice doesn't get me son-in-law that is homeless, jobless, is 300lbs and looks like a woman, but hey, he's funny! :)

In the last ten days

I DOUBT all this has anything to do with getting off Facebook, but who knows! :) All this has happened or developed in ten days

-I've lost 4 lbs
-CJ has lost 6 lbs
- We booked our 5 year anniversary trip to Mexico
- CJ was involved in an accident, resulting in roller coaster of emotions over the condition of a little boy's life
- My brother was in an accident in Florida, where both vehicles were totaled. He was fine!
- Bria stands up in her crib and holds her own bottle!
- Hayes wants me to sing to him at night, and gives out hugs and kisses
- I've prayed more than I have in a looong time. As it should be.
- CJ's bought a 'new' work van

Healthy Purge

I am giving myself a vacation from Facebook. I have to check myself sometimes and re-do my priorities. There is nothing wrong with Facebook. In fact, that's how I keep in touch with a majority of my friends, see their babies grow, communicate with my moms groups etc. It brings us together and I love it. However, what is wrong is when I let it take over my day. I know myself well enough to know that I need to watch anything that does this. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, but the amount of time wasted can be bad:) The goal for my life is to serve God, serve my family, and serve others. ANYTHING else that can consume me, needs to be checked. So I give myself a break from it. And if I can't take a break from it, then it's a problem and I consider it an addiction. Could be eating, could be tv, could be exercising(got that one in check:), could be wine, could be a relationship that isn't good for us, could be just dwelling on something materialistic that doesn't bring us lasting fulfillment when we obtain it, could be our obsession to have control over the details of our life,could be the internet or attempting to keep our lives/homes/appearance perfect... could be ANYTHING. So when I see myself letting something besides serving my family, God and others take up too much time, I have to make sure I can live without it for awhile.
After my dad died, I found myself in an unhealthy obsession with my weight. Binging on an entire box of toaster strudels in one sitting, eating an entire bag of Thomas bagels in less than 5 minutes etc. Eating as much as I could as fast as I could as if to get through it so I wouldn't stop and think about how bad it was for me. But you do finish eventually, and feel so terrible physically and emotionally, that you have to 'un-do' it. That's when the barfing started (like my word choice;). It started slow and got the point where even if I put on chapstick, or chewed a piece of gum, I thought there was some flavor or calories that needed out. I would mentally freak out into how I was going to sneak to a bathroom and vomit without anyone catching on. Eventually had it down to a science where I NEVER had to stick my finger down my throat, could do it silently and quickly, and hide it in my room or in the shower or wherever! To the point where at my worst, I counted over 20 times in one day. That'a living mental hell. A constant cycle of mental panic on trying to control what you eat, blowing it by going overboard, and then panicking on getting it out of your system quickly. And repeat. Thank GOD I got through it and can honestly say it's not a struggle anymore. The thought of being back in that secret addiction is enough to keep me far from it. Well, at least the barfing part. I still over eat quite a bit ;)
But knowing how my personality can get to that point of letting something run my life, I have learned to step back, and make sure I can live without something for a short period of time, even if the thing itself isn't harmful. Haha, like how I pretty much compared Facebook to an eating disorder??? Hardly..
So my plan for the beginning of 2012 is to prioritize a few things. See you back on there in a month or so!

Highlight, so far, of 2012

My Hayes is a great sleeper. He loves it, and goes right down. Sometimes asks to go to bed and takes him there himself. So when I heard him at his door tonight (about 45 minutes after he had gone to bed), I was a little concerned as to what he could be needing. That NEVER happens, unless we are super loud and woke him up. I went downstairs, opened his door, and he was standing in the dark. I said 'what's wrong buddy?' He said 'hug, kiss, mommy, please hug kiss'. I gave him a hug and a kiss and put him back in bed where he snuggled right back in and said 'good night'. Good thing it was dark, or he would have seen me choking up:)
This may be the kind of thing moms get every night. But if you know me well, you know that Hayes doesn't show these emotions to me often at all. Without going into detail, it's been sad and hard on me at times just yearning for the moments that you hear so much about from others that seem to be so second nature. So this, tonight, made my whole year! Love my Kick Joe!

Tools

I almost forgot about this story, and that's when I have to write stuff down, so my kids can read about it after I lose my mind!
One thing I love about my husband is the fact that he has a good heart for others. I prayed I would marry someone who would be ok with helping others that were less fortunate than us. Even though sometimes we may be the 'unfortunate' ones in some perspectives, we are still blessed beyond measure.
A couple years ago, CJ discussed selling his drill set for a better, longer-lasting but more expensive set. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it kind of is. You see, these aren't just a collection of garage tools that men keep to break out a couple times a year when they feel like doing guy stuff. These tools literally help feed our family. They get used. Every day. And they get beat up, but they are so necessary. And it's high on the totem pole compared to the heater that was busted in his work van (this was dead winter), that he said could wait. Buying new replacements on tools, however, is unavoidable when you own your own business. He was planning on getting about $300 to pawn or sell his old ones, to put towards a new set.
He started by doing a craigslist search to see if anyone was in the market, or how much other sets were going for to get an idea for his posting. But instead, he found something else. He found an ad, written by a wife. A wife who's husband didn't know she was writing it. She said they had come on some bad luck on top of losing almost everything in a fire. And they didn't have insurance. Her husband worked by doing handyman services. She said he lost all his tools. She said he was a hard worker who would never ask for anything, but she wanted to help him. And if anyone had any extra tools that they were just going to throw out, she wanted to come get them and surprise him with whatever she could collect.
Now, when CJ read this, he showed me. When I read it, I put myself right in that wife's shoes. Maybe they had babies to feed? My baby was only a few months old. If this were my husband, I would do whatever I could to help him. Of course I didn't go pouring on CJ that he should give away his old set of POWER tools to someone we know not much about. After all, they could be selling them for drugs? But you know what, that's not my problem. We should do things (within common sense of course) because we have faith that it's the right thing to do. What happens after that is on them.
Well you know where this is going. CJ contacted the wife, who was in tears when she heard what he wanted to give her. They came by, and yeah, they were interesting:) He had spent time in prison, met his wife when he got out, and he said 'she saved him'. Said he's had a hard time getting a second chance at life in general after prison (people won't hire him etc), but he was doing the best he could. They were so humbled and grateful. And that alone was worth any amount of cash CJ could have got for the set. But it didn't stop there.
CJ and the man talked for over an hour about everything. Turns out this man learned a lot in prison:) How to fix things etc. CJ told him about his broken heater. CJ had already had a mechanic look at it and give him an outrageous quote, so CJ didn't have it fixed. This man and CJ disappeared in the garage for awhile. And I'd be lying if I didn't have a few uncomfortable feelings creep up. After all, over the last hour we learned this guy did some serious time in prison. What if he's taking CJ in the garage to blindside him with a crowbar to the skull and then steal all of our..well..all of our what?? We don't have anything worth stealing haha! Pretty soon CJ came busting through the door and the first words out of his mouth were 'that son of a bitch..' so I was sure the guy took off with something. No, CJ said 'that son of a bitch just fixed my heater! Runs better than ever!' He was so excited.
Will never forget that night. Well, actually, I almost did. So that's why I wrote it down:) Sometimes we may have that opportunity to help someone but we talk ourselves out of it for a million reasons instead of having faith that if we pay it forward, we will be taken care of. Or that someday some stranger may help me or my children if they ever needed it.

anonymous quote..

I came across a quote on Pinterest the other day, and ignored it. Then I kept thinking about it, and tried to go back to find it, but I couldn't. But it was this or something like this..
'Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it'

Love it. I tend to talk or complain or vent to people who probably don't want to hear it anyways. Or shouldn't hear about it. There's so much more relief just to pray. That's going to be one of my New Years resolutions.